Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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