Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish there were birth control emojis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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