Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
