Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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