community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
