I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
