you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
