on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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