just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
