In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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