Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
