Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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