We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
