My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
