Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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