Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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