Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
