remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize