Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
