Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
