you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
