he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize