Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
