so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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