Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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