I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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