I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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