Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
