yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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