The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
