the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
