Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
