these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
