I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
