I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
