haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize