i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
