I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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