hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
