Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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