He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
