That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
