my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
