my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
