I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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