He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
