new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
