Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
