and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
