He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
