Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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