four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
