I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
