I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
