Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
