you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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