If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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