There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How's work?
Spinning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize