So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
