I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no you cant smoke seaweed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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