Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
