i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
