$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
